You are the game master;set the boards towards lasting happiness.

“The life of inner peace, being harmonious and without stress, is the easiest type of existence.” 

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Forgiveness, like good people would always preach, is mainly for ourselves. Sometimes when people hurt us, we're convinced that we'll never be able to forgive and forget it because of how badly it hurt us. Has anybody ever done something to you that was so bad you felt the hurt moving from your chest to your mouth? Sometimes you're too numb to breath, your chest too stiff to beat without causing physical pain, and sometimes, your eyes too painful to contain tears.

I've been hurt badly on ‘too many for my own good’ occasions, but I've hurt people too; intentionally and otherwise. I knew that saying something a certain way would inflict emotional pain, but I said it. I've known that refusing to say something would leave room for doubt and inferiority, but I didn't say it. I've liked people and when things were going smoothly, withdrawn without reasonable explanations.

Funny how this would forever remain a reference, but in junior secondary school and part of senior secondary school, I was bullied; mostly psychologically. I received undue hate. This scarred me but not in the worst way.

You can choose to do one of two things with hurt- let it scar you, or let it teach you. You can turn hurt into good or bad energy for your future. I chose peace then because I had love that was so strong and this love was able to shield me from future disaster or, I chose to let it shield me. Just recently, I got another perspective which I'd not really considered. Of course, I'd consistently told myself that I was the victim and I have every right to feel the way I feel anytime I remember what was done to me, but this new perspective from a one-time bully has allowed me see from the angle of the oppressor. One of the few reasons people hurt people is because they have been hurt in the past or are currently facing hurt themselves. Choosing to transfer pain to someone who doesn't deserve it is a really shallow move BUT...

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It's Sunday, I heard the priest preach about forgiveness from an angle I haven't considered before. He talked about how families continue the malice of the generation(s) before them, how people teach people to hate people from a particular family because their great-grandfathers didn't agree because of maybe a piece of land. He said to youths, “allow your great-grandparents settle their malice themselves, you do not know the piece of land they disagreed about so it's not your fight to share in”. That was when I realised that I may one day bear children and give them the story of how I was bullied and unknowingly make them angry and want to revenge me. I want to let this pain go- for me and the generations after me. I've forgiven this bully but it makes me feel like it's pretence anytime I remember it. The new perspective I got from this one-time bully pushed me to understand that this bully might be suffering guilt already, hoping that I've forgiven wherever I am, hoping that the hurt wasn't so bad that I haven't outgrown it.

So forgiveness, forgiveness is first for me, for my peace, it's for fresh air and an abscence of recurring pain. Don't wait for apologies, apologize to yourself for being too susceptible (it's very hard and unfair), preach sweet peace to your heart so that someone who may not know how you've been doesn't consistently cause you pain. Forgive because it's one thing Jesus does for you every second of everyday.

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“Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on”.

You're capable of forgiveness, allow peace and love overwhelm you, be kind to yourself, say the things you want to hear to yourself, say them until you're satisfied, say them until you're strong enough, tell yourself you deserve better; you deserve a clear mind and unadulterated joy and happiness because you do. You deserve good things with peace of mind ranking on top. 

Happy Sunday forgivers ❤️&🕯️